15 sköna Twilight-sågningar

16 November 2012 | 18:01

15 sköna Twilight-sågningar

Nätet kryllar av bitska recensenter som uppenbart inte förstått storheten med Stephenie Meyers filmsaga.

"Breaking Dawn - Part II" kommer med en efterlängtad final: för alla twihards, som får se om Bella och Edward får leva lyckliga i alla sina dagar, men även för hatarna som kan andas ut att hysterin är över.

Vi kunde inte låta bli att gräva ner oss i några av nätets vassaste kommentarer om filmerna hittills. Här är femton sköna sågningar av de tidigare Twilight-filmerna...

Twilight (2008)

"My hope is that the sequels are actual attempts at movies."

- Laremy Legel, Film.com

"I've had mosquito bites that were more passionate than this undead, unrequited, and altogether unfun pseudo-romantic riff on Romeo and Juliet (...) Oh, the horror, the horror. (Or lack thereof.)"

- Marc Savlov, Austin Cronicle

"His family is trying to avoid killing people for food, but the sight of Stewart's neck tests his sanguine celibacy: "I've never wanted a human's blood so much in my life," he murmurs, which here is supposed to be a declaration of love."

- Fernando F. Croce, Cinepassion.org

"...if Edward, despite his youthful body, is in reality a 108-year-old man, then his lustful wooing of an actual high-school junior makes him, for all intents and purposes, a borderline statutory rapist and all around dirty old perv."

- Nick Schager, Slant Magazine

New Moon (2009)

"...the comparatively amateurish Taylor Lautner as the shirtless wolf boy, whose subtext is the same scene to scene: Have you seen my abs?"

- Michael Phillips, Chicago Tribune

"You can't help watching without worrying about the future of humanity (...) If this is the world's next generation of womanhood, that's a century of female emancipation down the drain. Bella's more likely to polish her chastity belt than burn her bra."

- Dominic Power, SFX

"What sickly white pancake makeup was to Twilight, ripped, dark abs are to New Moon. Never has a man's shirtlessness been so essential to a character's development."

- Jordan Hoffman, UGO.com

"It is a creative dead end, and a near-total failure as a movie.  And it opens on ten billion screens on Friday, where it will earn twice our National Debt by Monday morning.  You asked for it... you got it."

- Drew McWeeny, HitFix

"We need a campaign to make Stewart happier; everybody needs to send her love on Facebook or cookies to her house. While you are at it, send her some glasses, too, because Taylor is way dreamier than Robert."

- Bob Grimm, Tucson Weekly

Eclipse (2010)

"As long as these movies remain about three petulant whiners staring at each other to little effect, no rousing action sequences are going to save them from their torpor."

- Josh Bell, Las Vegas Weekly

"...to say that "Eclipse" is the best of the three "Twilight" films is like saying frogs were the best of the plagues God visited upon Egypt in the Old Testament."

- James Verniere, Boston Herald

Breaking Dawn - Part 1 (2011)

"it's based on a series of truly idiotic novels which, whilst works of an evil marketing genius, are artistic pollutants. Try and avoid getting dragged along to this one."

- Paul Verhoeven, The Vine

"Dial 000. A crime is currently in progress. This weekend, millions of people around the globe will be conned into handing over their hard earned cash to see a film with no plot, no action and no climax."

- Matthew Toomey, The Film Pie

"What we learn from Breaking Dawn however is to never underestimate the power of this material to suck...and suck hard. If it keeps going like this, a better title for the last installment seems rather obvious -- Breaking Yawn."

- Bill Gibron, Filmcritic.com

"I haven't seen my wife laugh this much for ages. In fact, she laughed so much that she started crying. She doesn't even laugh this much at any of the so-called "comedies" I occasionally bring home. Maybe I am a DIY Mystery Science Theater 3000 Master and a genuinely funny guy... or maybe those were tears of pain. I haven't quite figured it out yet, but my wife genuinely enjoyed this latest Twilight movie albeit for all the wrong reasons."

- James O'Ehley, SciFi Movie Hype

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