Had "Madame Web" not been a Marvel product - emphasis on product - this might have been a decent, exciting thriller. Because the part where our titular heroine (Dakota Johnson) discovers that she can see into the future and thus predict accidents, disasters and murders gives some great "Final Destination" vibes.
But unfortunately, it's a product made by Marvel that, film by film, seems to lose its edge and, in its fear of offending anyone, gives us bland, generic superhero flicks with nothing new to offer. Because here we have the same old cavalcade of clichés ticked off the list.
Johnson plays a reclusive ambulance driver who is so afraid of human relationships that she cannot accept a drawing from a child without being as hyper-uncomfortable as only Johnson can be. After nearly drowning in an accident, she can suddenly see into the future and saves three teenage girls from a murderous villain. The adventure can begin.
And happily end. If you thought she might not have a complicated relationship with her dead mother, you were wrong. Our heroine was born in the jungle after her dying mother was bitten by a super-powered spider. If you want to see a good movie about relationships with deceased parents, watch the fantastic "All of Us Strangers" - or any other, better superhero movie.
Granted, there are some doses of adrenaline in the action sequences, especially one on a train and another that uses Britney Spears' "Toxic" in an inspired way. But it doesn't get much more fun than that. It's hard to care.
Partly because the teenage girls in danger are such flimsy characters - an insecure nerd (a miscast Sydney Sweeney), a sassy skater (Celeste O'Connor) and a smart Latina (Isabela Merced). These will become various superheroes in future films, as we see in finishing preview footage, but it doesn't have much bearing on the plot.
Johnson initially works as a sarcastic loner, but as an action heroine she feels somewhat flat and out of place. She's not bad but simply doesn't fit the role or the context. The same goes for French actor Tahar Rahim (last seen as Paul Barras in "Napoleon") whose villain is evil for no real reason, and whose costume makes him look more like.... well, Spider-Man.
It's a harmless but rather tame and forgettable movie. Perhaps the choice of British feature debut director S. J. Clarkson ("Anatomy of a Scandal") was not the best. Where filmmakers like Sam Raimi or Taika Waititi managed to inject at least some of their personal style into the genre, Clarkson seems to have mostly let the cameras roll. That flashbacks and fantasy sequences are cut like a "Saw" trailer is hardly a plus. She doesn't even manage to give watchable names like Adam Scott and (especially) Emma Roberts anything worthwhile to do.
But worst of all is undoubtedly the product placement, which is the most embarrassing of its kind in a long time. Pepsi, in particular, is shamelessly promoted, not least in the final, where the fight takes place on a huge billboard. But at least Swedish soccer star Fredrik Ljungberg appears in one picture.
"Madame Web" has already been savaged by critics and given last year's audience reception of superhero movies, it doesn't bode well for this one either. It's not insulting or provocatively bad - but at the same time pointless. Maybe we're done with this now. Or at least ready for a break. Please, Marvel, enough is enough.
Rating: 2/5
